Answer to Prayer

I am in awe right now, of just ALL the amazing awesomeness that God is to me.
Ryan got his orders today.
And I can't begin to explain how joyful and equally FLABBERGASTED I am at God. I just.. I can't explain it. I wanna cry and jump up and down and sit in His presence and praise Him out loud just for EVERYTHING!!!!! He told me that I couldn't depend on the military for anything and that I had to put my trust in Him because HE knew what was best AND HE DOES.. Everything in His timing.. And why this timing? Only He knows, but I'm not complaining that it's here.
I don't even feel like I was completely faithful in trusting the words He told me, but HE CAME THROUGH and now Ryan and  I will both be in SD around the same time next weekend.. Then off to Guam.. And off to finally starting our new lives together. In a house.. And we'll set up a baby room.. And decorate our house together.. Alright, I'm going to stop before I soak the keyboard with happy tears. <3
God, I'm just gunna take this time to thank You for all you've done.. You're worthy of all the praise and I will continue to dedicate my life to Your work and will.

No Worries..

This morning, I didn't feel like doing devotion, but I got outta bed and cranked up my worship playlist until Hillsongs filled my little hotel room. After praying for a friend on FB [the challenge that God gave me a while back] I began to pray for Ryan and just our life together.
To just update everyone, my husband, Ryan, has been graduated from Tech school for about a month now and we've been waiting on his orders so that we can get stationed. Although, it just seems like one thing after another keeps getting in the way of us starting our new life together. Medical problems, application complications etc. Anything and everything. And now that I really think about it, its all from the devil. It's very discouraging and the complete opposite of the spirit of God.. Anyways, Ryan got tested for Cycstic Fibrosis and we are waiting on his test results; if they come back positive, Guam won't want us there [lack of ability to medically treat our child] and we'll have to wait to be reassigned.. I've been on edge. Majorly.

Back to this morning, though, one of the first things I heard Him say was: "..those test results are NOT your destiny. I AM; and what I have is so much better. Do you trust me?" I was taken aback. And was immediately flooded with the "huge revelation" that whether or not his test results come back + or - its only because its apart of God's plan... Wherever we end up, its beause that's where God WANTS us to be. However my child comes out, it'll be because its God apart of His plan. And having faith that God has my best interests in mind, I can relax knowing that I really have nothing to worry about. And I don't take it lightly. What a huge burden has been lifted. NO amount of smiley faces could express how joyful and just... at peace I am. He's got it under control. I know it.
Bring on the test results..

1 Thessalonians 5:18 Give thanks in ALL circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus

Baby and Jesus

This morning, I felt really big kicks for the first time! Agh, I can't tell you how weird and yet amazing it is to have that happen to you! It really just blows me away how God is the master and He is knitting my little baby together inside me! The first thing I thought after the first ultrasound was, "Wow, God you are so amazing! Look at that!" And now feeling more than belly gurgles reminds me that He is still in control and is growing my little healthy baby steadily..
So, in one of my devotions last week I was reading Isaiah 40 and what caught my attention was verse 11. What is basically said was that God is our shepherd; He will watch over us AND He will "gently lead those who are with young." Meaning all those who are pregnant [or have offspring; THATS ME!] are ones who He is keeping a specially close eye out for. This really got me thinking.. It's nice that not only is He our shepherd [and He watches us anyways], but that He is looking out for me specifically :) *starts singing* Jesus loves the little chiiiiiiildren.. 

All People's Church (APC)

Last night I finally told someone how I was feeling about church. This someone was my sister-in-law, Bethany. I told her not to bother giving me a ride to Potters House because I felt God leading me to APC. Ultimately, she genuinely cares about my relationship w/ Him and told me that if was His will that I should go for it and check it out. After the 15 min txt conversation it was nice to have her acceptance..
So, this morning I went.
And it was .. amazing! I'm so glad my friend told me to try it out because I really was holding myself back by not diving into all that God had for me. For starters, I know a lot of people that are already attending APC [those who I've known from churches past and those who I know from Lifegroup] and so it felt very comfortable to be there today. Going right into a time of worship I fell right into step with those who were in the "River" [the section of space right in front of the stage where people have room to dance and praise however they want] and it felt .. just.. right. Funny part was I didn't know ANY of the songs [the words on the screen helped] but being surrounded by people my age who were desperate for God as much as I am was such an inspiration and suddenly the words didn't matter. I was in His presence and there is NO better place to be. [So, that whole time of worship completely won me over] The sermon was great too; It was about not being anxious or worried about our lives, how it does nothing to change anything, and how that the key is to focus on doing His will because His job is to take care of us!!!! It just hit me hard because the whole military system has been stressing me out and I'm tired of being worried and angry at every single thing that doesn't go as planned.. I just need to relax and let God take the wheel, right? As hard as that is, right now. At the end, Pastor Robert had all the leaders come down to wait on people that needed prayer [I liked that too!] and the worship team played out the rest of the service.. Agh, it was great. Afterwards, I went with my other friend to a support the refugees meeting [in one of the buildings a ways from the sanctuary] and that was interesting too. Apparently, APC is sponsoring refugees from Africa [I saw a couple in the service] and people are stepping up to help them out of the poverty they were living in.. They encouraged us to reach out to them, whether or not it was to give them rides to services or bring them food/toiletries and such.
Overall, it was just a really good time and I think that I will start going on a regular basis.. This is where I need to be. I know that now.
Now, it's just a matter of letting my in-laws know that I will be going here now..

Burden from God [Mexico]

So, the past couple weeks I've felt God put something heavily on my heart. Not anything having to do with me, but with a friend.

I've been going to Lifegroup (the college small group thru All People's Church) and they've been talking about a missions trip to Mexico this March. I heard about it and was interested, but I felt almost immediately God quicken my heart for me to help my friend go. Why? Lord knows. Anyways, I started  pondering and praying about it, but it hadn't left me. God REALLY wanted her to go and I was going to help her get there. I offered to help her fundraise if she wanted to go and she was hesitant. Said she was scared of Mexico.. lol But I couldn't drop it.  I couldn't stop thinking how she needed to go. Maybe, Ryan and I could pitch in, I thought.

So, I asked him earlier today about how much we could pitch in: $20? $50? $100? The trip as a whole was $200 and I figured, "Meh, if we give her half, I could help her raise the other half without a problem," and then he said, "..just give her the $200, and if you guys fundraise just keep the rest." *shocked face* I WAS SO HAPPY. Just to let you know. I knew that even though this wasn't a trip I would be going on, my friend would be able to go without having to worry about $$! This was just a blessing from God, that my husband was willing to take his hard earned money and put it towards something I feel is important! [because it IS]

It just feels like a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders [not that it was a BAD burden] because I know that I have done what God wanted me to do. Now its up to my friend to make the decision whether or not she wants to go; she has no physical barriers in her way anymore.

But I hope she does go. I know her life will change if she does.. <3

Makes me think.. 

I want Jesus Again

I started this blog to just write down the things that I feel God putting on my heart.

Recently, I've definitely been feeling that I'm not where I want or need to be with my relationship with God. Growing up in a Christian home, it was so easy to feel that my parents were kind of a crutch. If I just went to church like they said I would be fine.. Then I joined Pebbles and I feel like that was one of the first times I really experienced God for the first time. Serving Him was my PASSION. I loved it; that those little kids looked up to me for the example of how we are to worship our heavenly father.. :) That lasted almost 8 years. Then just like that I found myself married and being taken away from that place I grew up in.. that sanctuary that I felt so comfortable in because I knew God was using me there. And I went to his church; don't get me wrong, I feel like God is moving there, but I felt so disconnected and decided to put on this face. My friend just recently made me realize that since my husband, Ryan, left to join the AirForce, the only reason I keep going to his church is because of family obligations. I felt, well still feel a little, obligated to go so that Ryan's family will still feel alright with me as a person. That they SEE me going to church and therefore they won't hate me. But my life, MY relationship with God, isn't ABOUT them OR my parents/siblings.. It's about me. And what I want, what I desperately desire is to get back to that place where I felt, breathed, even ate (partook of His body) Jesus! He use to be my PASSION, DESIRE, WANT, NEED, EVERYTHING. And I can safely say that now I am back on the right path. I'm a different person, but the great thing is that He hasn't changed. He still loves me and sees me as His innocent little black girl, with the braids, jumping up and down on that worship stage.. for Him.

During devo this morning I felt God telling me this: "[Ruth] You WILL bring the father of your children BACK to Me." *shivers* I'm sorry God.. WHAT? I mean no pressure, but dang.. He really wants me to be and encourager and continue to pray for Ryan, because I know he isn't where he needs to be either. I have to help him. Not force him to do anything, but just love him and remind him that God loves him more than I do. And He's the only one that can fill that hole in his heart.

Lord, I want so desperately, to be close to You again. For You to hold me when I cry because I miss my husband so much. For You to cradle my unborn child in Your hands because I know there they will be the safest. I can't stop thinking about the prophecy that Aubrey gave to me from You. (Isaiah 40:3-5) That even though my child may be in the desert that they will cry out and lead others to You. That they will go to the places that are unpopular and where people aren't confident in themselves and just love on them; that they would be an encourager. I am holding onto this promise..

Can't wait to see where you take me next.. Hold my hand, please, and don't let go. <3